i can't help but be scared of it all sometimes
by sodium-amytal
Summary: Joey doesn't even know how to handle this; is there some sort of guidebook for what to do when you've just watched a sex tape starring your boyfriend? S5 AU. Fluff with a bit of smut.


_**(this is sort of a continuation of my headcanon in "i know what a prince & lover ought to be" where Chandler was previously ~involved~ with Kip)**_

Joey's cheek rests flat over the swell of Chandler's chest as they lie in Joey's bed together. He can hear the soft sounds of Chandler's breath and the steady thump of his heart. It's strange waking up like this with him, fingers curled not over his skin but in the soft, worn cotton of his t-shirt. The last few days in London were like an almost-honeymoon; too bad it wasn't such a great experience for Ross.

Chandler awakens when the morning glow travels lazily over his face. He rubs his eyes, drags a hand through his messy hair and leaves it in further disarray. Joey tilts his head to get a better look at him when Chandler smiles, wide and dopey. "Mornin', Joe."

Joey can't help but grin back, because Chandler's full-wattage smiles are absolutely infectious. Chandler pushes his fingers through Joey's hair, lets them curl around the curve of the back of his neck. Joey sighs out a breath and closes his eyes, while Chandler's hand follows the trail of his spine and stops just below his shoulder blade. "'M glad we're home," Joey murmurs, his eyelids still heavy from jet lag.

"Yeah. We still gotta unpack though." Joey hums a contemplative noise. Chandler turns his head to look at the clock on the nighttable. "Guess I should start gettin' ready for work." He moves to sit up, but Joey stops him with gentle hands.

"Wait, I wanna ask you somethin'." Chandler waits for him to elaborate, fixes him with a long look. Joey glances away for a moment. "Why don't you just unpack your stuff here? Like, in my room." His cheeks flush beneath the weight of his request.

"'Cause my room's over there."

Joey makes an exasperated sound under his breath. "What if this was _our_ room?"

Chandler's mouth does that irresistable, adorable little pinch when he's trying not to smile too broadly. "Are you asking me to move in with you?"

"Yeah," Joey says, grinning, because, goddamn it, he can't _not_ smile about this. "I mean, it's been, what, four years?" He shrugs, feigns casual. "It's about time."

Chandler chuckles. "We could turn my old room into something neat, like a game room with the foosball table and maybe some old arcade games like _Space Invaders_ or _Asteroids_ or something."

Joey likes this idea. He moves to kiss Chandler, and it's warm and soft and fucking _perfect_. Chandler moans around his mouth, his hands curving around Joey's face to draw him in and bite at his bottom lip before pulling back. "You're gonna be livin' with me," Joey sing-songs.

"You sure I'm ready for that kind of responsibility?" Chandler teases back, ruffling Joey's hair as he leaves to take a shower.

#

While Chandler's at work, Joey decides to move some simple things from Chandler's room to theirs, like his clothes and the stuff stored in the closet. Chandler has a shoebox full of old magazines—some of which are, uh, relevant to Joey's interests—in the back of his closet that end up distracting Joey for a while.

He's moving a box of Chandler's comic books into their closet when a lone VHS tape on the closet floor snags his attention. He sets the box down, picks up the tape. All of their other videos are in a box or clamshell case, but this one isn't. Its label is suspiciously blank. He figures this must be one of his adult videos that got misplaced; Joey thinks about this for a moment before deciding that, yes, _of course_ he's going to watch it.

He abandons his earlier task and rushes out to the living room to pop the tape into the VCR. Joey's immediately greeted with naked skin on naked skin and—_hello_—this is porn. But it's not _his_ porn, because this particular video features two _men_.

One of the dudes in the video is lying on the bed, and the other guy is between Dude #1's legs, his face obscured from the camera by man-thigh. The quality is grainy and poor, and judging from the way the camera's set up and the absolute lack of editing, this is probably some sort of low-budget, personal porno.

Maybe this was the first gay porn Chandler saw that left an impression on him; it's not hard to see why—Dude #1 is squirming and rolling his hips like this is the best blowjob he's ever gotten in his life. Joey's actually a little jealous. Then Dude #1 slides his heels in the sheets and off of the edge of the bed; Dude #2 lifts his head up, and that's when Joey actually gasps out loud, because Dude #2 is _Chandler_.

No fucking way.

He's got a rounder, younger face than when Joey first met him, but those features are undeniably Chandler's.

It has to be a doppleganger, right? Maybe Chandler has a kinky twin he's never mentioned—it's not _that_ ridiculous; Phoebe has Ursula, after all. Joey's first instinct is to stop watching, but it's not like he's convinced that it's Chandler on the tape—it doesn't count when you don't know who you're watching, right?

Chandler's-maybe-twin kisses a line up Dude #1's body before reaching his mouth, and there's just enough intimacy there to make Joey uncomfortable. Even if he's not watching Chandler, Joey feels grimy and wrong being privy to something not meant for his eyes. Dude #1 slides a hand up Chandler's-maybe-twin's back, brings it around to his chest to tweak a nipple. The squeak that bubbles out of Not-Chandler's mouth is achingly familiar. Joey tries to rationalize, tells himself that twins would probably have the same voice, so this isn't irrefutable proof of anything.

The evidence that it's Chandler on the tape gets pretty damning when Dude #1 has his cock inside of him, fucking him hard enough to drive very familiar noises and moans out of Not-Chandler, who's shoving his hips back into the thrusts and gripping the bedsheets. The way his shoulders shake, the way he bites his lower lip, the way he tips his head and huffs out little breaths of want... Joey's thighs squeeze together of their own accord, because, Jesus Christ, he is harder than a _New York Times_ crossword right now.

Not-Chandler licks his lips and moans out something that sounds like "Oh God, Kip," and Joey feels the earth drop out from underneath him, because this is absolutely Chandler getting fucked by his ex-roommate. Joey doesn't even know how to handle this; is there some sort of guidebook for what to do when you've just watched a sex tape starring your boyfriend?

While Joey's deliberating whether or not he wants to see it, Actually-Chandler comes hard and lets out a hot little groan that Joey knows by heart. Joey brushes the edge of his palm against the bulge in his jeans, and, fuck it, he's not going to think too hard about this. He takes his swollen cock out and wraps his hand around it, actually moans "Oh my God" as his fist slides over the shaft. It only takes a couple of strokes before he's shooting over his knuckles, his head whirling dizzily with images of Chandler on his knees, only it's Joey's dick driving into him and not Kip's—Kip who ran off and got married, Kip who broke Chandler's fragile heart, and now Joey's angry instead of horny. This is a whole new realm of emotions he was not expecting to deal with today.

He wipes his hand on his t-shirt before getting the tape out of the VCR. He hides it in the sock drawer of his—_their_—bedroom. A shower makes him feel marginally clean again, the hot needles punishing his skin. He'd prefer some sort of science-fiction brain-wiping device, but until that's invented he'll have to settle for soap.

Chandler comes home that evening while Joey's getting dressed in their bedroom. "Joe, we've talked about this: you don't have to put clothes on if you don't want to."

Joey chuckles weakly, tugs his t-shirt over his stomach. "You know that rule applies to you too, right?" Chandler rolls his eyes and does that tight-lipped smile thing before coming over for a kiss. Joey accepts it but doesn't kiss back. Chandler lifts an eyebrow, but Joey's forcing enthusiasm and distracting him. "So, hey, I spent all day makin' room in here for your stuff!" He gestures to the expanse of the bedroom. "And I moved some of your clothes and those boxes you had in the closet. Then I got all sweaty and had to take a shower."

Chandler laughs and kisses his forehead. "Thanks, Joe! You seem pretty excited about this whole moving in thing, huh?"

"Well, yeah! Plus, I figured you'd be tired and wouldn't wanna do all that movin', and the faster we get your stuff in here, the faster we can make your old room into that game room you wanted."

Chandler takes Joey's face in his hands and kisses his mouth. "You're amazing. Thank you." Joey shrugs, smiles in a way that says "aw, shucks." Chandler threads his fingers through Joey's hair as he asks, "So, what's for dinner?"

Joey shrugs again, looking away for a brief moment. "Whatever you want. You deserve it."

Chandler steps back, like he's not sure who's standing in front of him. His mouth's pulled into a quirky half-smile. "Are you feeling alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," Joey says, sounding absolutely _not_ fine in his own ears.

Chandler studies him before ultimately surrendering. "Well, okay, if you say so."

He orders take-out, and Joey feels like the world's biggest doofus for eating sesame chicken with a fork instead of chopsticks; Chandler's never had a problem with them.

"Can you believe Ross is married again?" Chandler asks, chuckling to himself. "And Phoebe's gonna have babies? Three of 'em!"

Joey doesn't look up from his take-out box, pushing the contents around with his fork. "Yeah, everything's changin' a lot around here."

"You don't sound too happy about it." When Joey doesn't answer, Chandler shifts in his chair to face him. "Somethin' bothering you, Joe? You've barely touched your food."

"What do you want me to do, stroke it?"

Chandler huffs a small laugh. "C'mon, you can tell me. Are you having second thoughts about moving in together?"

Joey breathes out in frustration. "No."

Chandler's gazing at him intently with warm, blue eyes, and it makes him want to spill all of his secrets. "Then what _are_ you feeling?"

"I don't know what I'm feeling," Joey admits, and it's not a lie. "I guess I'm just confused."

"About?"

Joey takes a bite to prolong the silence between them, giving himself more time to think about how to start. But it doesn't last forever, and Chandler's still patiently waiting for him to elaborate. Joey licks his lips before he says, "I found somethin' in my closet today while I was cleanin' and movin' stuff."

Nothing in that sentence seems to shock Chandler. "Was it something gross?"

"Nah, it was just... Well..."

"Was it porn?"

Joey startles at the question. "Sorta..." He winces inwardly, because how the fuck was that video "_sort of_" porn? "Yeah, it was."

Chandler smiles wryly at the corner of his mouth. "You know I won't be mad if you're attracted to guys who aren't me, right?"

"That's the problem: it _was_ you."

Chandler furrows his brow, his expression dropping into something confused and lost. "What?"

Joey drags a hand over his face before admitting, "I found a sex tape of you and Kip."

Chandler gives an incredulous little laugh. "I never made a sex tape."

_Oh no._

Joey's eyes go wide, and for a split second he's horrified before the anger seeps in. Kip filmed them having sex like some sort of goddamn conquest, and Chandler didn't even fucking _know._

"Well, he did." Joey immediately hates himself for saying that, because Chandler looks _devastated_, and nobody's face should ever look that sad. "I'm sorry. I wouldn't've watched it if I knew—"

"You watched it?" Chandler sort of yells.

"I didn't know what it was! I thought it was one of _my_ porn videos!"

Chandler scowls at nothing in particular; his mouth is scrunched up and angry, but his eyes look lost and sad. Joey feels fresh guilt rake over him for jerking off to the tape. He opens his mouth to say something else but stops himself. Chandler's no dummy; he's probably also wondering how many tapes Kip _didn't_ leave behind.

Chandler shakes his head and scoffs out something angry before going back to his dinner. "Whatever. I'm not gonna let this bother me," he grumbles around a mouthful of noodles. "I mean, the only people who've seen it are you and Kip, right?" He shrugs. "It's not like he's selling it or anything."

Joey lifts an eyebrow. "That's a way too healthy outlook for you, man." Chandler just smiles, warm and inviting, and Joey feels better about this whole thing. But he still really wants to punch Kip.

"Wait, were you—were you jealous? Is that what's going on?"

Joey stuffs food into his mouth to hide his expression. "N—no! Of course not!"

"You totally are!" Chandler laughs. "You're jealous!" Joey just scowls at him. "Oh, c'mon! Can I at least enjoy the one time in my life anyone's gonna be jealous over me?"

Joey frowns at Chandler's self-deprecation. "Alright, yeah, maybe I am a little jealous. It's just..." He drags a hand through his hair, wondering how to explain it. "It's not like you dated somebody we see every day, y'know? So I guess I just sorta forget that you were with Kip until somethin' like this reminds me."

Chandler raises an eyebrow. "My dating history is a pamphlet compared to yours. No, not even—it's a scribble on a napkin! How can you be jealous over that?"

Joey squirms in his chair. "I don't know! I know it's stupid, okay? Don't look at me." He turns his entire body away so Chandler can't see his face.

Chandler laughs. "Aw, Joe, c'mon, I think it's cute. But, y'know, you don't have to worry. You won. You got me." He's smiling when Joey looks back at him. "Even if he showed up right now as, like, a millionaire underwear model, I'd still rather have you."

There's no way Joey's going to cry right now, so he shovels in another forkful of chicken and rice and says, "Aww, thanks, Chandler."


End file.
